I loved being pregnant with Lillian. After the first trimester ick, it was smooth sailing, and I felt pretty good up until one day a week before she was born when it was 113 degrees here in Kansas City. The night my water broke, I was having dinner with girlfriends and didn't even realize the contractions I was having were serious contractions until just before the water broke. This time around, it's really been quite different. A twin pregnancy seems to go straight from the first trimester to the third trimester. The first trimester morning sickness was about the same as with Lilli, but the fatigue about twice as bad. Then I had a couple of really good weeks, which I would consider my second trimester. Then I got really big, REALLY fast. From mid-December to mid-February I went from not showing at all, to pretty much looking like this.
I am not quite yet as big as I was with Lillian at her birthday, but I am getting really close. In about 3-4 weeks, the weight of the babies should about total Lillian's birth weight. And then I hope beyond hope to make it at least another 5 weeks after that - 35-36 weeks, average for twins. I feel nine months pregnant NOW, I can't imagine how I will feel then. I am at the point in this pregnancy where I get a lot of questions and comments regarding the size of my belly. I know people in general mean well, but when you are a crazy, emotional pregnant woman, meaning well just doesn't cut it. Yesterday I decided that the third trimester mark will mark the beginning of my ignoring the stares and the comments that make me feel like a circus show. All I care about at this point is keeping the babies warm and growing on the INSIDE. This has nothing to do with anyone other than these babies. As much as my body wants to reject the idea of 8 to 11 more weeks, I have to push out the poisonous little thoughts that bring me down and just concentrate on why I am doing this.
The major struggle for me now is the fact that I MUST slow down. I am really not a terribly active person, but sitting for long periods of time is hard for me (unless I'm surrounded by people I love with a nice bottle of wine). I work all day. I want to come home and hang out with my family, and give Lilli a bath and put her to bed. And then I want to clean something, or sew something, or fold a load of laundry, or start painting the nursery. These things are getting harder. I clean the floor under Lilli's chair after a meal, and I have to sit down. I walk up the basement stairs with a load of laundry, and I have to catch my breath. My body is flat out telling me to relax, but my brain is in nesting mode and reminding me of all the things we have yet to do. My poor husband I don't think knows what to do with me. One minute I'm complaining of some pain or other or falling asleep in his lap on the couch at 8pm, and the next minute I'm dusting the furniture or reminding him of all the things "We" have yet to finish before the babies come. I am learning to accept the idea of everything not being clean or done before the babies come. I realized after Lillian was born that I am much more of a clean freak and type A personality than I ever thought. Throughout her tiny little life, I feel I've let go a little (John will fully disagree with this statement), but now, I'm really going to have to let go. When these babies come, everything isn't going to be clean, I won't have extra meals frozen, there might be more than a week's worth of laundry, and I can't control everything - especially when they decide to arrive. All I can do is my best and hope and pray for another 8-11 weeks.
Side note - If anyone can suggest a decent hair stylist, I clearly need to revisit what is going on on the top of my head!
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