A big fat giant Thank You

Sometimes things happen in your life that force you to evaluate certain aspects of yourself.  Sounds like a pretty logical "no duh?" statement, but what I'm getting at is sometimes occurrences have you evaluating  things that may or may not be directly related to the occurence. It's like a chain reaction through the parts of yourself until you finally end up on the part that must desperately need some upkeep. The pre-term labor issue with the twins being my most recent analytical crisis.

I personally never first hand experienced the amount of care and generosity that people can express when someone they care about is put through stress or a life changing event.  This is a first for me.  Did I expect my friends and family to show such a complete overwhelming response to our bed rest dilemma?  Yes, actually I did expect it, because I know who these people are.  It is not a surprise to me, but instead it makes me very uncomfortable. The discomfort doesn't come from having people do things for me when I am a master at making sure I do EVERYTHING for myself.  This I thought might be an issue, but I've been fairly accepting of the offerings of meals, help, babysitting, etc.  The part that makes me uncomfortable is that I am not sure in the situations in the past where my friends needed me, that I've stepped up to the plate.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I haven't.  What the hell was I doing?  Am I by nature that selfish, or just lazy?  Now maybe its just part of my Catholic upbringing to be able to take a situation and turn it around to make myself feel guilty.  But honestly, I think I could be a much better friend when it comes to helping people out in their times of need.  So instead of beating myself up about doing too much physically, to send myself  into pre-term  labor, I am now beating myself up about how crazy generous everyone is and how I really don't deserve it.

What this is really is a wake up call - in more ways that one of course - priority being the babies.  But these things happen for reasons, and I believe this is part of the reason for me.  I need to learn to be more selfless, to contribute and to think of others first when it's their time of need.  I promise, my friends, that I will get better about this.

On the lighter side of 'thank you'... I was to have a small shower the Saturday after I ended up in the hospital.  My more than lovely sister- in-law had to cancel everything at the last minute.  Fortunately for me and the babies, she could not cancel the cake.

I love cake when I'm pregnant and this was such a treat to have in the hospital - chocolate with butter cream frosting.  If you never visit Dolce Bakery in the Prairie Village shops, I suggest you do so.  You will not leave unhappy.  I used to relish my maternity leave mornings with Lillian when we could walk down to the shops, I could grab a tea or coffee next door at Starbucks, and every now and then treat myself to an amazing cinnamon roll or fruit scone.  I do miss the Village...

Let me get back on track, cake can do that to me... In anticipation of my shower on Saturday I designed and started printing the 'thank you' cards from me and the boys.  I knew I would be writing a lot of them, but I think that list just doubled or tripled!  I'm going to need more printer ink.  Inspired by baby smileys, they are a simple design that I think turned out fairly cute.  I love doing this kind of stuff, and hopefully I'll have time to continue my fun projects and post them on here fairly frequently.

This one is posted as a general thank you to EVERYONE who sent me a message, sent us a prayer, picked up the phone, signed up to make a meal, brought me cake! or simply asked "how are you doing?"
We thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Pre-Labor 29 weeks 2 days

The last two days have been very eventful.  In the end, I've found myself in a place I really, honestly, did not think I would be.  Maybe it was self-fullfilling prophecy to learn and read about the risks in a twin pregnancy, to have myself prepared just in case.  But like I said before, I am a positive person, I want to be responsible to know everything, and I still don't thiink my body will give up on these babies.

Its Satruday night, as I write this post, and they are still safe inside.  Starting Thursday evening I had a couple things happen that scared me plenty.  The first being a rush of fluid and the second being constant, but painless, contractions.  Throughout the evening, I had enough of these contractions that by 1:00am I was tracking them and they were 3 minuts apart - too many, too fast, even for Braxton Hicks.  I called the OB on call, which happend to be my Doctor. The contractions did not alarm her as much as the idea that I might be losing fluid.  She advised 600mg ibuprofen (yes it is safe before 32 weeks) and if there was any more fluid to head up to Labor and Delivery.  Not fun news with a soundly sleeping toddler in the next room - not to mention that the boys are only 29 weeks gestation.

Thankfully no more fluid, and the ibuprofen seemed to help but not for a long hour or more.  So I woke Friday morning feeling ok but a little scared. I had taken the day off to get some things done and go to the doctor.  I laid around most of the morning after taking Lillian to daycare and headed to the Doctor.  Thinking positively, I was almost certain she was going to tell me my cervix was still 4cm long (anything over 2.5 is great with twins) as it had been two weeks prior.  I was wrong.  First she did confirm that I am not leaking fluid - blessing.  However, hose painless contractions were doing their job - cervix down to 2cm, 50% effaced and dialated 1cm.  My Doctor's exact word were "you got yourself in trouble."  I am going to the hospital, I am on bedrest until these babies come.  And we can only hope they don't come now.  I take full blame, I just push myself further than I really know I should be going.

When I check into the hospital, I am not having cotractions.  Then they hooked me up to the IV and gave me light meds, at which point I start contracting again - regularly, every 2-3 minutes continuously for hours.  The stress of watching the montiors and feeling the contraction I'm sure just made me more anxious, not helping matters at all.  After another half-day of contracting, my Dr. came in to check me at the hospital -which they really don't like to do because this aggrivates things even more.  However, me, John and everyone else that knew what was going on, we had to know if I was dialating more.  Thankfully I was not.  Bad new was, I was not going  home in the original hoped for 24hour window.  I now need heavier meds and am here until at least Monday.

On to the meds - and boy is this fun for someone who hesitates to take two Ibuprofin for a headache. I'm on IV fluids, antibiotics in case of infection and emergency delivery, steroid shots in the ass for the babies lungs to mature in case of delivery, Motrin, Visterol ( I really dont't know how its spelled), Colace (stool softener - awesome), a Pepcid due to heartburn from the lovely iceberg lettuce hospital salad, and last but not least - my most favorite IV drip, Magnesium.  I picture Magnesium to be platinum colored metal that flows slow and thick when melted.  No woner I need the Colace.  Thankfully in my case it is a strange yellow tinged clear fluid that should relax my contractions for a good while.  Well, after being pumped full of it, they've gone down from every 3 minutes to one about every 3 hours.  And I am now on a very low dose.  But this stuff sucks.  The initial shock made me feel I was on fire on the inside, and I suddenly couldn't breathe. There was an elephant on my chest and I literally wanted to start pulling at my own skin.  Writhing in the bed the nurse gave me an ice cold wash cloth for my neck and immediately the sensations were relieved.  Such simple remedies... So at this point I'm just down to severe hot flashes and double vision, which thankfully has not given me the tell tale headache that also comes with this drug.  The major point in the matter though is that its working for me - and the babies are doing just fine through all of this.  I am supposed to come off the drip tomorrow evening, at which point I might be able to walk off my sea legs, hospital orthopedic bed style.  At least for a couple of minutes, and then its back to bed for me for as long as my body will possibly make a home for these twins.

So assuming all goes well and I leave here on Monday (as I will positively continue to assume), I am to go straight home to my bed or couch only to get up to use the restroom or go to a doctor appointment. I am done with my job.  I am done with running errands. I am done taking Lilli to daycare.  I am done helping prepare meals. I am done with preparing the nursery. And sadly, I am done with playing with Lillian to any full extent.  We will have to read books, do puzzles, and paint toes in Mommy's bed for some time to come.  BUT I am not done keeping these babies safe.  Not for a while I hope.

Couple of sided notes - I have the best family and friends in the world.  From the moment we found out about the frightening blessing of these babies, people have shown nothing but kindness, generosity, and just pure human goodness.  I cannot thank enough whatever the force is that guides me through life for putting these people here with me.
And second side note - not meant at all to diminish sincerety of first side note - I am really pretty loopy right now, so please ignore all spelling and grammatical errors, over and above what would be normal for me!

Pray for us and our babies - realistically we pray for 32 weeks, but I still think we can make it to 35.

29 weeks

Crap.  Its already been a week since my last post.  Well, I suppose that means time is flying by.  I am glad to have another week under my belt.  Or more like out and OVER my belt.  Time flying can be looked at in 2 ways.  I'm happy this is going fast because of my discomfort.  But I'm scared that the boys will be here so soon.  Everyone around me thinks I am thinking negatively about them coming early.  Everyone thinks I will carry until the bitter end.  I don't necessarily disagree, but my comments about early arrivals are mainly an attempt to mentally prepare myself for any possibly situation.  I think it is irresponsible to ignore the risks involved with a twin pregnancy.  There is no guarantee these babies will wait until 38 weeks.  And there is no guarantee they will come tomorrow.  I think I am a positive person, but I also don't want to ignore some warning sign that could send this pregnancy into a tailspin.

The babies should probably be up to about 2 1/2 pounds each by now, if not a little more. Their muscles and lungs are continuing to mature. And their brains are growing leaps and bounds right now.  I am concentrating on my protein, calcium and omega-3's during this time.  Though "eating for 3'" as they say, is actually harder than one would think, especially at this size.  Half a peanut buttter sandwich fills me up, but then I'm hungry an hour or two later. That being said, I do not feel bad about my daily dose of Breyer's ice cream or PeachWave frozen yogurt.  Everything in moderation.

The babies are growing BIG.  They push against my sides, and they push against each other.  I constantly have a limb either stuck in a rib or behind a hip bone.  My belly takes on shapes I never dreamed of when carrying Lilli.  I love feeling them move, but they are running out of room quickly.  Physically I feel like a walking tug boat with creaky, splitting boards.  My spine and hips ache all the time.  By 5pm, the skin on my belly feels like its splitting at my belly button from carrying weight upright all day long.  I am so huge in the middle, if I drop something, I simply look at it with disdain because it is too much effort to pick it up.  Putting on pants has become a circus act, one in which I try to do alone, so not even John can watch my odd form lifting one leg barely off the floor while trying to bend - not too far - over to throw my pants over my foot.  Opposite of my pregnancy with Lilli, my pants are still fitting or even becoming loser, while my shirts are all too short and becoming too small.  Though with as much time as I have left, and my affinity (obsession) for ice cream, I certainly expect my pants won't fit fairly soon as well.

I am still working 40 hours a week, picking Lilli up from daycare everyday, attempting, with help, to make a meal every night, and doing the p-nut's bedtime routine, also with help (my husband is incredibly involved and I could not be more grateful for this).  The plan is to do this for 6 more weeks.  I can only hope I don't get that much bigger (denial?) or overly physically exhausted (more denial?).   My last day of work is 35 weeks 2 days.  I pray I make it that long, for the babies' sake, and the sake of my bank account which will benefit from much unused vacation time.  After that last work day, the plan is to keep Lilli in daycare while I take it easy (clean and do laundry I'm sure) in an effort to get to 38 weeks.

My goal for 30 weeks, besides keeping babies inside, is to have the nursery somewhat completed.  Over the last weekend we painted (John did most of it, but it is impossible for me to sit and let it be done without my help), and moved furniture into place.  Several more things need to be done in the nursery before it is complete, and the same goes for Lilli's big girl room.  But more importantly, all 3 babies have a clean, quiet place to sleep at the moment.  I still need to wash some little tiny things we have from Lillian (remember we didn't know she was a girl until delivery) for the boys to wear, but I am not concerned about this.  With the exception of washing and assembling car seats and getting them into the mini van, we are fairly prepared for the twins arrival as far as "things" go.  Mental preparation is a different story.  I work on it everyday, but something tells me I won't ever be fully mentally ready until I'm thrown in head first.  I am definite that my body will give up before my mind has caught up.  This is not a negative statement, this is simply an honest statement.

28 weeks - 2nd milestone

Some consider 28 weeks the beginning of the third trimester, some consider it 27 weeks.  This being a twin pregnancy, so likely shorter than most singletons, I'm considering 27 the start to the third trimester, as stated last week.  28 weeks, however, is a large milestone in a twin pregnancy - the 2nd large milestone.  Because twins can be born so early, Doctors start to tell you at what weeks your babies might have a fighting chance on the outside.  The first mark is 24 weeks.  Babies can be developed enough at this point to be able to grow and learn how to survive, with the help of many machines and drugs.  28 weeks is the next mark, and they stand an even better chance, but still with machines and drugs.

We had an ultrasound last Friday, telling us that baby A is 2 pounds 3 ounces and baby B is 2 pounds 2 ounces.  They are in the 65th percentile for their age.  It is unbelievable that babies this small can actually survive on the outside.  And all the more reason for me to be happy that they are still on the inside, learning to open their eyes and see light, breath with more efficiency, building more brain neurons, and gaining more fat.  The next milestone is 32 weeks, though each week at this point is a milestone in my eyes.  At 32 weeks, they should each hopefully weigh around 4 pounds, collectively weighing more than Lillian at birth, so I will be very lucky to make it this far.

My very positive, encouraging Doctor tells me that spontaneous twins are usually very healthy long term pregnancies.  Just like any pregnancy though, there can be complications, but because I was chosen to carry them, my body should handle the stress just fine.  I just absorb her words in an effort to remain positive and remind myself of the goal at the end of this.

These are the recent photos of that goal.  Both boys decided to show us their lovely little profiles this time.  In the past, feisty baby A has been a little defiant.  I think he may already be learning things from his big sister!  Baby B is always cooperative during ultrasounds and I get the feeling he is going to be the less active, more laid back baby.  The doctors are pretty sure the babies are fraternal, but their sweet little faces look very similar at this point.  They also are very reminiscent of their sister, turned up noses and all.  I can't wait to see what they look like.  But really I can wait - at the very least another 4 weeks.

Reasons I might love our minivan

I've been driving our new beast for a couple of weeks now, and not only am I starting to understand why people buy minivans (other than necessity - which is why we bought one), but I'm starting to actually really LIKE the minivan.  I would not say I love the minivan yet, but never say never, right?

1.  Size - The cargo space in this thing is unbelievable.  We thought a small SUV was serviceable for a family of 4, but it would have been tight.  Since knowing we will be a family of 5 with 3 in gigantic car seats, we knew we had to make a change.  We really didn't even consider larger SUV's' with a third row because we travel to see family too much and need space for luggage and all baby crap.  With a third row occupied with a baby or two, the space behind the seat is just not worth it.  Plus the gas mileage is not something we care to participate in.  This is our new beast packed to the brim for a weekend away - luggage, pack and play, stroller, pillows, blankets, food bag, cooler, toy and book bag, diaper bag, camera and DVD bag.  We didn't even touch the third row (which will soon have carseats in it anyway) AND you can see out the back window with tremendous amounts of room to spare.

 

2.  Drink holders - I don't think I've ever had a car with drink holders that made sense.  The front two rows of this car have 9 of them.  When you travel and have kids, its a pretty good bet that all 9 will get used.  The 4 that sit between the front captains chairs are big enough for my Nalgene water bottle (or a Super Big Gulp whatever your preference).  So now my water conveniently sits by my side instead of rolling off the passenger seat onto the floor at every red light.

3.  Windows, windows, bigger and bigger windows - You could go to a drive-in movie in this thing and see just fine.  All it needs is a glass top, and we could make money giving scenic rides around the country.  Lillian loves it.  The one drawback of this would be that for a child that doesn't sleep well during the day, the daylight inside the car is a little much, even with tinted windows, for any worthwhile napping.  

 

4.  Doors that slide back instead of open out - Those of you with kids who have been through the car seat phase, especially the removable bucket seats, can appreciate this.  People don't care when they park like absolute idiots.  Nor would they ever consider that some people in this world have children they need to get in and out of the car they just parked 4 inches from.  On more than one occasion in our small SUV, I had to open the opposite side of the car from which said idiot had parked, and crawl through the back seat with the car seat bucket in order to get my child safely into the car.  I will do this no more.

5.  Height - Once that fabulous sliding door is open, all I have to do to get Lilli in and out is stretch my arms straight out.  No bending or twisting involved, which is very important in my present physical state.  I know some SUV's are a great height too, but that wide open doorway just adds to the ease.  And, as you can see from the pics of Lillian here, she is up high enough to see everything, and she loves it.

 

So while I might still just only like the van a little bit, my daughter could not be happier in it, which is reason enough in my eyes.  Cars are silly things to us.  One day we may feel differently and want to purchase some dream car we always saw ourselves in, but right now, John and I are perfectly content driving something that gets us to and fro with ease, efficiency, and reliability.  Not to mention, this thing could be a tailgating machine...

27 weeks, the beginning of the end.

I am 27 weeks today, marking the start of what would normally be a third trimester.  I am grateful to be this far along in a twin pregnancy.  If born at 24 weeks, the boys might survive.  If born at 28, 30, 32, etc. they just have that much more of a chance.  My husband jokes that I have a uterus of steel, but that remains to be seen, especially since it's not really my uterus that is keeping these babies inside.  I have 11 weeks left - tops.  My lovely OB says they will not let me go past 38 weeks.  Which as much as I want these babies to stay safe and warm and get fat for as long as possible, the thought of another 11 weeks is incomprehensible.

I loved being pregnant with Lillian.  After the first trimester ick, it was smooth sailing, and I felt pretty good up until one day a week before she was born when it was 113 degrees here in Kansas City.  The night my water broke, I was having dinner with girlfriends and didn't even realize the contractions I was having were serious contractions until just before the water broke.  This time around, it's really been quite different.  A twin pregnancy seems to go straight from the first trimester to the third trimester.  The first trimester morning sickness was about the same as with Lilli, but the fatigue about twice as bad.  Then I had a couple of really good weeks, which I would consider my second trimester.  Then I got really big, REALLY fast.  From mid-December to mid-February I went from not showing at all, to pretty much looking like this.

I am not quite yet as big as I was with Lillian at her birthday, but I am getting really close.  In about 3-4 weeks, the weight of the babies should about total Lillian's birth weight.  And then I hope beyond hope to make it at least another 5 weeks after that - 35-36 weeks, average for twins.  I feel nine months pregnant NOW, I can't imagine how I will feel then.

I am at the point in this pregnancy where I get a lot of questions and comments regarding the size of my belly.  I know people in general mean well, but when you are a crazy, emotional pregnant woman, meaning well just doesn't cut it.  Yesterday I decided that the third trimester mark will mark the beginning of my ignoring the stares and the comments that make me feel like a circus show.  All I care about at this point is keeping the babies warm and growing on the INSIDE.  This has nothing to do with anyone other than these babies.  As much as my body wants to reject the idea of 8 to 11 more weeks, I have to push out the poisonous little thoughts that bring me down and just concentrate on why I am doing this. 

The major struggle for me now is the fact that I MUST slow down.  I am really not a terribly active person, but sitting for long periods of time is hard for me (unless I'm surrounded by people I love with a nice bottle of wine).  I work all day.  I want to come home and hang out with my family, and give Lilli a bath and put her to bed.  And then I want to clean something, or sew something, or fold a load of laundry, or start painting the nursery.  These things are getting harder.  I clean the floor under Lilli's chair after a meal, and I have to sit down.  I walk up the basement stairs with a load of laundry, and I have to catch my breath.  My body is flat out telling me to relax, but my brain is in nesting mode and reminding me of all the things we have yet to do.  My poor husband I don't think knows what to do with me.  One minute I'm complaining of some pain or other or falling asleep in his lap on the couch at 8pm, and the next minute I'm dusting the furniture or reminding him of all the things "We" have yet to finish before the babies come.  I am learning to accept the idea of everything not being clean or done before the babies come.  I realized after Lillian was born that I am much more of a clean freak and type A personality than I ever thought.  Throughout her tiny little life, I feel I've let go a little (John will fully disagree with this statement), but now, I'm really going to have to let go.  When these babies come, everything isn't going to be clean, I won't have extra meals frozen, there might be more than a week's worth of laundry, and I can't control everything - especially when they decide to arrive.  All I can do is my best and hope and pray for another 8-11 weeks.

Side note - If anyone can suggest a decent hair stylist, I clearly need to revisit what is going on on the top of my head! 

Baby Stuffs

Although, sometimes I feel we are the only people in the world in our current situation, in reality, I don't think it is so incredibly unheard of to be pregnant with twins after having a toddler.  In fact, my sister-in-law (my brother's wife - so no relation) has a singleton and identical twins, so I was very well aware of the possibility, though I never really thought it would happen to me.

But here I am, preparing for the arrival of these sweet little babies and doing research on all things that will make life easier for our little, soon to be not-so-little, family.  My main source of stress lately is the fact that I am going to be stuck at home with 3 little ones in the middle of summer.  I'm going to get outside - I MUST get outside - somehow.  Here begins the search for the perfect stroller.  It's not been an easy search.  One stroller to accommodate INFANT twins and a toddler?  That fits in your mini van?  That fits through the door at Target or the grocery store?  That has a basket big enough for a sack of groceries and a diaper bag?  That might have wheels larger than 5 inches around and can go over bumps in sidewalks or curbs when pushing 30-40 pounds of kiddo without tipping over?  I was about to give up my search, then we looked at this machine over the weekend.

 

 The Valco Tri-Mode EX Twin with Joey Toddler seat attachment

This is it after removing the toddler seat and flipping a couple hinges.  Incredible.

And when I say "machine", I mean it.  The price reflects as much.  But in trying to simplify everything in our lives (because in a little while our lives are going to be anything but simple) I want to buy only ONE stroller that will get us through the next 3-5 years.  I believe, and I think John is on board after seeing this thing over the weekend, this is THE ONE.  The main seats lay flat to hold infants (screw the car seat carriers, I've given up on that option - though you can buy an attachment to fit one car seat if you choose).  The toddler seat is the best invention ever for little ones who are used to the world revolving around them, and might be just too young, or too wild, to be trusted to hold your hand through the store.  And its really a jogger, so the wheels are giant and strong.  Not that I'll be doing to much jogging at first, but I want it to run over the gravel path at the park by our house.  And its not going to topple over dumping my babies into a busy street.  AND it will fit through a single door.  It is quite large and a little heavy, but I really can't expect much else in a triple stroller.  For those of us in this unheard of situation, someone out there might have actually figured it out.  Thank you Valco for relieving maybe a little bit of my stress.  I let you know later if it meets my expectations.

Pity in Pink

We found out the sexes of the babies this time around.  With Lillian we went the old fashioned route and waited for the big surprise.  But with two, and a house we are trying to smartly renovate, we thought it best to prepare a little in advance for room arrangements and such.  At 18 weeks we had our first level 2 anatomy ultrasound.  And while the main objective was to find out that each baby was healthy, we hoped the tech could confirm the sexes as well.  Both of which were confirmed fairly quickly for a twin ultrasound.  Within minutes we knew baby A was a boy, making John quite proud.  After a full scan of baby A, baby B blatantly showed his boy parts as well.  Relief.  And extreme joy on my part.  Not only were they healthy, but I had hoped for 2 boys simply for my little girl's sake.

After having Lillian, John and I would talk about how we kind of "felt sorry" for the baby(ies) that might follow her because they would never get the one on one attention and care that Lillian will receive for the first 22-23 months of her life.  Then we got pregnant with twins.  And we both couldn't help but turn the tables and feel sorry for our precious little girl.  I don't think its entirely unheard of to feel a little pity for your own child, who is one-hundred percent perfectly cared for and has everything she needs, but it feels a little weird to admit it. 

So we realize that we should not necessarily pity our daughter, who is now going to get about one-third of the attention she is used to.  But we should instead embrace the thought that she will forever be our only little girl and will absolutely be the best big sister these boys could have.  Since finding out about the boys, I've almost subconsciously done things that make the little one's surroundings even more girly.  I never thought I'd be this way, but I simply cannot help myself.  Her new room, which is still a work in progress, is entirely shrouded in pink.  I've been buying more pink clothes and glittery shoes.  And when recently shopping up at Urban Arts and Crafts for fabric for the boys room, I could not help myself when she fell in love with this super soft pink fabric.  I bought it for her, trimmed it in more pink, and it is her latest lovey.

Material possessions, I know, will not make this little girl who she is destined to be.  But when she lights up, squeaks, and snuggles up so close to something that I made for her, there's a little bit more to it than just a possession.  More later on the room and the endless effort to add more pink...

Official Blogger

Blogs have always been a thing of mystery to me.  I can't help but wonder "Does anyone really want to bother to read my babble?"  Then I got pregnant with twins.  Fully expecting to be happily pregnant with baby number two, the 6 week ultrasound told me differently - pregnant with baby number two AND baby number three.  In a matter of minutes, 1000 different thoughts and emotions went through my mind.  One of the first being "I am going to have to quit my job and be a stay at home mother.  How am I going to handle that?"  After coming to terms with the fear and miracle of a twin pregnancy, I started to come up with a plan as to how exactly I am going to keep my sanity with 3 babies under 2 at home all day after working full time for over 13 years.  The idea of my babbling to no one starting to make a bit more sense to me.  In the end, this blog is for me.  This blog is a place for my thoughts to remain MY thoughts.  A place for me to maintain my identity.  I will actually look at this blog as a job. 

Other than my lovely family, which I am so grateful for, I have other interests that I hope to keep alive over the next several years at home.  I love design, of any kind, and hope to have more time to explore that area of my brain.  About a year ago, John and I purchased a "new" home.  Built in 1963, fully equipped with parquet and peg board flooring, wall panelling, terrible lighting choices, even more terrible tile and carpet choices, and other such niceties - in short, we found ourselves a project!  The house is a big, giant part of me, and I love all the projects and pain it entails.  So in addition to posts on this crazy pregnancy, my beautiful little girl, and my John, I will likely be adding any and all progress we make on this house we'd like to eventually call our home.  

So after this post, I am an official Blogger.  I am sharing my thoughts with friends and strangers, but most of all, I'm keeping a record of me.  I simply refuse to lose my identity in the soon to be craziness that will encompass my world.  I believe the big man upstairs does not give us anything we cannot handle, it's just all in the way we decide to handle it.  I may not handle life's little (or big) surprises with grace, or style, or even clean language, but I simply plan on handling them with honesty, and in a way that keeps me true to myself.  With maybe a little dry humor dropped in here or there.  Happy reading, whoever you are.

On a side note - I am exquisitely computer illiterate, so the face of this blog could change on a daily basis as I learn how this whole system works.  And besides, what fun is stuff that doesn't change all the time??