Toilet Training

This day has turned out to be the HARDEST in all my days as a stay at home mommy.  I woke this morning thinking today was the day to potty train Lillian.  She will be 3 on Monday.  She displays all of the signs (except one big one, I now realize).  And we are about 4 diapers shy of running completely out.  She was warned that it was coming.  She's a "big girl" now.  She talks about the kids at school going potty.  She won't let the teachers change her diapers.  Etc, etc.

We started the day off in panties.  She immediately had to go, but refused.  What do you do?  I cannot extract it from her body.  I thought it was just pee, but as the hours passed I thought maybe it as a #2 and she'd held it long enough that the urge went away.  She calmed down and after about 3 hours she seemed okay.  Then she started whining and jumping about the house like a crazy person.

Meanwhile, I have two screaming 13 month old babies as my heals.  The babies will not leave me alone lately.  They have separation anxiety like I've never experienced before.  And I mean that, Lilli never had it.  I could not leave the room to go help Lilli onto the toilet without downright hysterics setting in.  I could not hear myself think, or try to talk to my crying daughter about how nothing bad will happen to her if her potty goes into the toilet and flushes away.

I fed the boys lunch, satisfying their need for mommy time.  All the while the little girl is up and down from the toilet and the potty chair, crying the entire time.  Then finally after cleaning up lunch and leaving happy boys for a minute, I tried talking to her calmly as she hysterically cried on the toilet (her choice of venues).  In the midst of my pep-talk, she pees.  We both smile and laugh and as a happy tear came to my eye, she stopped the pee midstream and went on back to crying hysterically. 

So after another hour or so of jumping about the house, crying for a diaper, crying to go to the hospital, and general hysterics, I gave in.  Put her in a diaper, put her in bed for a nap and told her I will buy her another box of diapers.  All in all the child held whatever it was, probably more #1 and #2, for a total of 6 hours.  That can't be good.

I can't help but feel like a big huge failure.  She is so ready, but she just doesn't WANT to be ready.  And the fact that I change up to 7 or 8 poops a day and countless wet diapers probably has me pushing her a little too hard.  Which I am sure is only going to prolong the issue.

So all in all, its been a pretty shitty day.  The worst of them all by far.  I can't say things have been super easy around here lately otherwise.  Why I decided to add potty training to the list is beyond me.  Perhaps I actually have gone bonkers.  Obviously, I haven't posted in a while.  We've just been busy.  John was out of town for 5 days, leaving me as a single mother, which doesn't allow for much writing time.  And the boys, after two WHOLE months of taking decent naps, are back to their old shenanigans of 30-45 minute naps.  Clocking about a total of 12 1/2 hours of sleep a day when they should be getting at least 14.  45 minute naps also don't leave time for writing when most of that time is needed to actually clean something or put food back in the fridge.  Excuses, excuses right?  Well, I apparently needed to write today and vent just a little.  Now I need to go get the boys up since they are crying after their super long 30 minute afternoon nap.

**Oh and if anyone has ANY suggestions on potty training, please let me know.  I want out of the ordinary suggestions.  I don't want to hear stories about how your kid just did it on their own at 22 months (because that is annoying and not helpful).  Or how you sat there and held their hands for hours on end, because I can't do that with two squirrels nipping at my feet and trying to eat things off the bathroom floor.