Lillian turns 3

I've been delaying this post.  I was thinking it was lack of motivation.  But in choosing the photos for the post, I became a little sad.  I now think I might be in denial.  Denial about my sweetest little girl turning 3 years old already. 

Lillian's birthday bunting.

A lot of people told me 3 is more difficult than 2, and in some ways I agree.  But in most ways, this age is awesome.  She talks so much, at least to her parents, grandparents and aunt and uncle, people she is comfortable with.  And the stuff she says is either incredibly enlightening or flat out hilarious and sometimes both.  She is also learning to do and enjoy so many things that you remember enjoying as a kid - riding a bike, swimming, playing ball, playing games, swinging, etc.

The BIG gift.  Don't mind the "landscaping" or the fact that I am "hiding" behind a small child.

All dressed up - and eating.

THE gift from grandma.

Her behaviour is not terrible, like most people have told me it could be.  She is obstinate sometimes, but if I am kind to her and respect her, she does the same for me.  A tricky balance when as a parent you want to remain in charge when the only thing that makes your 3 year old happy is to feel as if they are in charge.  I seem to be able to maintain this balance a majority of the time.  Sometimes I lose it, and we have a little tantrum, and I obviously have over-thought the process when it comes to potty training (we haven't gone back to trying yet - but will be very soon).  But right now things with the little girl are going quite well. 

Which was immediately put on.

And set with wings, ready to play ball.

She is becoming such a little girl too.  I was looking at her sleeping one night and realized she is almost too big to hold.  That is a sad realization.  That your first born, at what feels like the shortest 3 years of your life, is too darn heavy and lanky to pick up on a normal basis.  While parts of me look forward to the days when my boys will walk and no longer need me to carry them quickly from one place to another (because it's really hard with two 19 pounders), the "I want babies forever" part of me tries to quickly bring me back to the present.  These babies get big - fast.  And before you know it you are the mom in that heart wrenching, yet incredibly weird, book "Love You Forever", wanting to rock your 16 year old baby to sleep.  I've got 13 years to go, but I can certainly already understand the book's sentiment.

Sam fielding balls for Sissy.

June 24th three years ago was hot, just like this year.  I didn't realize I was contracting.  I went to a friend's house for dinner, at which point they were 20 minutes apart and I thought, "Um yeah, this is it".  Then the thunderstorm rolled in.  And after dinner, my water broke.  John packed my bag at home in a pitch black house with no power, picked me up, and off we went to the hospital to start our experience with the sweetest, kindest, most amazing little girl I am so proud to call my own.  She arrived at 2:40am on the 25th and surprised us first by being a girl (we did not find out), and second by looking exactly like her 110 year old paternal great grandmother.  She was beautiful.

And Will making sure the new picnic table won't collapse for tea parties.

Since that life changing day, time has flown.  Lilli's been through a lot in a year.  Not only has she had to deal with two more demanding little people sharing her space with mom and dad, but she's gone from full time daycare with kids she grew to love, to part time daycare, to a completely new school only one day a week, and then lastly to a new classroom within that school with all new kids that are all a bit older than she, since she is a summer birthday.  Needless to say, she's not had a lot of consistent friendships over the last year.  That being said, we had another family party.  Next year, after a year of preschool with the same kids, I am sure we will have a big reason to throw the expensive, uncalled for, ridiculous, children's birthday party that she so deserves.

Can you guess her favorite color?

This time we made it a little easier on ourselves and ordered pizza.  But I still made the cupcakes.  And although they were not my best effort, it really doesn't matter when the birthday girl only eats the icing.  She loved everything about the day, as well as the day before and the day after.  And she did as most 3 year olds do and requested more and more presents even after they had long since been opened.  She received phone calls from out of town family and is recently able to hold conversations over the phone, which is so fun for all of us.  Overall, a good time was had by all (including a stressed out mommy with the help of about 3 glasses of raspberry summer beer - highly recommended).

Happy #3 sweet, beautiful girl.

In looking through photos over the last 3 years, it is apparent how much Lillian has physically changed.  But that's not even the fun, or maybe bittersweet, part.  It is the personality, and the talking, and the smarts (we think she is so, so, so bright - of course) and little things she does that actually confirm we are doing something right!

Happy 3rd Birthday sweet, sweet Lillian.  You are as beautiful inside as you are outside.  I look forward to watching you grow each year into the amazing person you are so sure to become.  You are my pride, my joy, my inspiration, and sometimes my reason for an evening cocktail.  There is something so special about your first born.  Little girl, you are my special gift from above, and I intend on being thankful for that every day of my life.  Mommy and Daddy love you.

Toilet Training

This day has turned out to be the HARDEST in all my days as a stay at home mommy.  I woke this morning thinking today was the day to potty train Lillian.  She will be 3 on Monday.  She displays all of the signs (except one big one, I now realize).  And we are about 4 diapers shy of running completely out.  She was warned that it was coming.  She's a "big girl" now.  She talks about the kids at school going potty.  She won't let the teachers change her diapers.  Etc, etc.

We started the day off in panties.  She immediately had to go, but refused.  What do you do?  I cannot extract it from her body.  I thought it was just pee, but as the hours passed I thought maybe it as a #2 and she'd held it long enough that the urge went away.  She calmed down and after about 3 hours she seemed okay.  Then she started whining and jumping about the house like a crazy person.

Meanwhile, I have two screaming 13 month old babies as my heals.  The babies will not leave me alone lately.  They have separation anxiety like I've never experienced before.  And I mean that, Lilli never had it.  I could not leave the room to go help Lilli onto the toilet without downright hysterics setting in.  I could not hear myself think, or try to talk to my crying daughter about how nothing bad will happen to her if her potty goes into the toilet and flushes away.

I fed the boys lunch, satisfying their need for mommy time.  All the while the little girl is up and down from the toilet and the potty chair, crying the entire time.  Then finally after cleaning up lunch and leaving happy boys for a minute, I tried talking to her calmly as she hysterically cried on the toilet (her choice of venues).  In the midst of my pep-talk, she pees.  We both smile and laugh and as a happy tear came to my eye, she stopped the pee midstream and went on back to crying hysterically. 

So after another hour or so of jumping about the house, crying for a diaper, crying to go to the hospital, and general hysterics, I gave in.  Put her in a diaper, put her in bed for a nap and told her I will buy her another box of diapers.  All in all the child held whatever it was, probably more #1 and #2, for a total of 6 hours.  That can't be good.

I can't help but feel like a big huge failure.  She is so ready, but she just doesn't WANT to be ready.  And the fact that I change up to 7 or 8 poops a day and countless wet diapers probably has me pushing her a little too hard.  Which I am sure is only going to prolong the issue.

So all in all, its been a pretty shitty day.  The worst of them all by far.  I can't say things have been super easy around here lately otherwise.  Why I decided to add potty training to the list is beyond me.  Perhaps I actually have gone bonkers.  Obviously, I haven't posted in a while.  We've just been busy.  John was out of town for 5 days, leaving me as a single mother, which doesn't allow for much writing time.  And the boys, after two WHOLE months of taking decent naps, are back to their old shenanigans of 30-45 minute naps.  Clocking about a total of 12 1/2 hours of sleep a day when they should be getting at least 14.  45 minute naps also don't leave time for writing when most of that time is needed to actually clean something or put food back in the fridge.  Excuses, excuses right?  Well, I apparently needed to write today and vent just a little.  Now I need to go get the boys up since they are crying after their super long 30 minute afternoon nap.

**Oh and if anyone has ANY suggestions on potty training, please let me know.  I want out of the ordinary suggestions.  I don't want to hear stories about how your kid just did it on their own at 22 months (because that is annoying and not helpful).  Or how you sat there and held their hands for hours on end, because I can't do that with two squirrels nipping at my feet and trying to eat things off the bathroom floor.