Word to the wise - don't dilly dally with potty training. Either do it or don't. Don't send your child mixed messages. Think hard and have a plan before you start. We learned this the hard way.
So this time when we started the toilet training, we decided there is no going back. We set a day to start on a weekend day so I had some help. We told the little one in the morning when taking off her diaper that she was not getting any more diapers. And other than night time, we've stuck to that promise. Oh and no pull ups because pull ups ARE diapers, in our opinion.
That was sixteen days ago. Its hard to remember how that day actually went, but I think it was rough but pretty successful at the same time. She had a few accidents in the first four days, but hasn't had any since. She goes poop and potty in her chair really well now. Some days are harder than others, and we still have to tackle the big potty and potty's outside the house. She's gone at swim lessons and she's gone at her Uncle's house. Great right?! We think so, however, we have a few glitches that make this successful process a little short of normal.
First of all, the child held herself down there until about five or six days ago. And I mean constantly. I think she became so used to having a bulky diaper between her legs that having her hand there felt comfortable. I also think she believes that the diaper, or her hand, was keeping the pee and poop inside. She would not let go for anything. Three year olds are notorious for coming up with strange creative things to cling to until one day they just give up on these ideas and move on as if nothing were stopping them. And this so far is the least of the strangely creative.
Second of all, she has not napped in her bed, sat in her chair at the table, sat on the couch, or sat on my lap in sixteen days. She sits on her knees in her Daddy's chair to eat, she sits on her knees on the carpet, when she lays to nap on her "floor bed" she holds herself again until she falls asleep. All of this is due to the third reason we're falling short of fully "potty trained".
And third, the little one WILL NOT put on pants, panties, shorts or anything of the sort. Sixteen days of bare private parts. She's cute as hell, but enough is enough. I've seen enough girly parts to last a lifetime. Most little girls are so excited to wear panties. They can't wait to go in the potty so they can wear their Dora pants or Princess pants or Hello Kitty pants. Not this girl. She is so terrified of having an accident in them that she chooses to stay inside, naked, when given the option to DO ANYTHING outside of the house because it requires putting on something to cover herself.
We've let her run around in dresses with nothing underneath, and this is fine for a while. And we've had so many people tell us, just let her go like that, its summer, who cares?! Well sure, but you don't have to deal with it, nor did you probably have a child that did this exact sort of thing. As we all know, 3 year old little girls don't keep their dresses pulled down over themselves all that much. And when it comes down to it, as a society, we kind of require bottoms. She has to learn how it feels, she has to learn not to have accidents in them, she has to learn how to pull something down when she really has to go. Naked potty trained is not potty trained.
I realize sixteen days in is really not that long. This process takes some people a year. And I feel we might be joining that group. All I can hope is these little glitches she has will just disappear. The holding has gone away for the most part. And I can only hope this fear of underthings will also simply go away. We attempted to get them on her last night for a trip to her Uncle's house for dinner. After a 10 minute car ride with Lucifer, thrashing in her car seat, we decided we couldn't do much when she took the underpants off when we got there. She is 3, and we can't tape them to her.
There are several things I've learned about my sweet Lillian in this process. One, she has more integrity than any child I've seen. Not that I've been around that many really, but many other people tell us they've never seen someone care so much about not soiling their pretty under-things. Second, she has no modesty. We went to the grocery store naked yesterday, and when starting our walk across the parking lot in nothing but flip flops (her, not me) she wasn't phased. Finally, after a few strange looks from other shoppers, I picked her up and told her the sign on the door says we have to wear a shirt, bottoms and shoes. She whined a little, but went back home agreeably to hang out naked while I took a baby back to the store with me. And lastly, she has a stubborn streak that is bound to break both of her parents. This does not bode well for us as parents of a beautiful, willfull girl.
She is supposed to start back to summer mother's day out on Wednesday, but since they won't take them naked, I have a feeling we aren't going. My plan is to load her up and see how she takes it when we get there. (Do I sound like a terrible mother for taking her places naked? Do I have a choice?) Maybe I should be more positive, but I think I'm too close to it right now. I am however starting to find the humor in it, so maybe that's all it will take. Obviously when I don't care anymore is when she will decide to let this little idiosyncrasy pass.
Two major things I've learned:
One - Three years old is TOO OLD to potty train. Kids do this much younger with much less resistance, YOU just have to be on top of it. The whole idea that you should wait until your kid potty trains themselves is total BS. Sure I know of kids that have done it, but they are exceptional. Kids are quirky and if you get one that doesn't have any quirks, great (you suck, but great). But this particular 3 year old was ready a long time ago when we didn't have much time to give her, and it is our fault. I think our generation is way too into the "let your kid decide" philosophy. And while I think this is valid for certain things, especially older kids, this is not one of those things.
Second - People, much like myself, try to give you advice. Especially when you ask for it. Take it for what it's worth - someone else trying to help you. It is likely not going to work, because no two situations are the same, but say 'Thank you.' I'm not sure I've been great with the 'Thank You's'. In fact, if one more person suggested to me to offer to take her for ice cream to get her to put pants on (Really? We hadn't thought of that one.) I thought I was going to scream. So if you've taken time out of your day to respond to me, or help me, or bring me liquor, Thank You.
